The Sneezing Opossum
November 24 is Evolution Day. On this date in 1859, Charles Darwin published On the Origin of Species. I’m sure there’s a joke in here somewhere comparing Donald Trump to a Neanderthal, but that’s insulting—to the Neanderthal.
November 25: National Parfait Day. In the UK, a parfait is pâté flavored with liqueurs. In the U.S., it’s ice cream layered with gelatin, fruit, and liqueurs. How I know this difference is not important.
November 26 is Cake Day. I’m not a big fan of the Thanksgiving dinner spread, but I could see a new tradition involving cake. Turkey-shaped cake would be fine.
November 27 is Buy Nothing Day, a holiday even less observed than Flag Day.
November 28: Red Planet Day. A Martian year is 1.8 times as long as an Earth year. So, you’re 1.8 times younger on Mars, but that means Cake Day takes 1.8 times longer to come around each year.
November 29: National Day of Listening. Take a moment to be aware of the birds, the wind, your spouse. (Well, ok, we won’t go that far.)
November 30: Stay Home Because You’re Well Day. May or not be recognized by your boss.
December 1: National Pie Day. Next to my grandmother’s apple pie, my favorite pie is pizza pie.
December 2 is National Fritter Day. Yesterday’s pie will work (unless you went with the pizza pie).
December 3: Make A Gift Day. Show someone you care by making them a Wookie costume for the Star Wars premiere. Or you could go with cookies. Your choice.
December 4 is National Dice Day. The earliest known dice date back to 6000 B.C. They were made of sheep bones and used for divination. References to loaded dice have been found as far back as 1500 B.C. in India. I guess what happened in Vegas didn’t stay in Vegas, huh?
December 5 might seem an unusual holiday. Grab a black mask, sneak up on your friends, and scare the crap out of them. When they get angry, explain you are celebrating International Ninja Day They’ll thank you later.
December 6 should be easy: Put On Your Own Shoes Day. Why is this even a holiday?
December 7 was probably designed by Hallmark: Letter Writing Day. Write to your parents or grandparents, or even a letter to the editor. You could write a letter to yourself, reminding yourself to take out the garbage. It’s the thought that counts, right?
December 8: National Brownie Day. I prefer the cake kind. It makes digesting all those merit badges easier.
December 9: National Pastry Day. A day like this should not go unobserved.
December 10: Dewey Decimal System Day. Librarian gangs fight turf wars over Dewey Decimal versus the Library of Congress system. When they get caught, authorities throw the book at them.
December 11: Ugly Christmas Sweater Day. Wear that hideous light-up thing with the Christmas elf with pride!
December 12: Gingerbread Decorating and Gingerbread House Day. May I suggest Gingerbread Eating Day?
Violin Day on December 13 feels like a last minute addition because somebody discovered they were short a holiday. I guess you could say it plays second fiddle.
December 14: National Bouillabaisse Day. Bouillabaisse is a Mediterranean stew. Seems fishy to me.