Beware of radical Norwegians hurling hot potato dumplings

July 21, 2015

Dear Zenith News:

This may be considered nitpicking to one who needs to contend with the “you’re” vs. “your” confusion on an annual basis, but if Oscar Nilsson changed his name to Nilsen, he would be considered Danish, not Norwegian.

I sense some condescension towards Norwegians in this article [“Archaic local laws that should be repealed,” The Sneezing Opossum, June 9, 2015, by Lawrance Bernabo] and so I must warn Mr. Bernabo to beware of the radical arm of the Sons of Norway, who have been known to hurl hot potato dumplings at people they disapprove of. He should be on the alert for individuals wearing rosemaled hoods lurking around his place of employment, and be ready with a supply of bacon grease and butter should they attack. WARNING!! Even one small packet of ketchup in his possession, and they will show him why Viking berserckers were so feared.

Paternally yours,
Ken Johnson

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