The March of Fools

April 7, 2015


Everybody knows April 1 is April’s Fools Day, but, sometimes, stupid people cannot wait to announce their foolishness to the world and to do it with great authority. This made for a busy March in 2015.

At the top of the list is Ben Carson, the retired neurosurgeon and potential Republican presidential candidate, who stated in an interview that homosexuality is “absolutely” a choice, claiming “a lot of people go into prison straight, and when they come out, they’re gay.”

I bet global warming scientists wish they had evidence that strong, right? The idea is that if A (being gay) leads to B (gay marriage), then deny A and you eliminate B.

I have seen this type of logic before in Texas when they want to execute someone who is mentally incompetent: We cannot execute someone who is mentally incompetent; we want to execute X, therefore X is not mentally incompetent. It sure works down there.

Then there were the 47 U.S. Senators who sent a letter to Iran explaining our constitution and warning that less than half the chamber would go along with any agreement. But the letter sort of implies 53 members would and 53 is greater than 47, even if it includes Democrats.  

A bipartisan effort was two votes away from veto-proof legislation, but that effort to actually stop Obama came undone because of the letter. This was probably the intent of the Tea Party all along—to make sure the two parties never accomplish anything, even if it is something that most Republicans want.

Republicans are not only upset with the current president, but already angry at the next one. It seems Hillary Clinton continued to use her private email account when she was Secretary of State instead of a government account. My favorite part of the news coverage came from ABC, which showed a clip of Hillary complaining about the Bush Administration having “secret email accounts.”

Besides, neither the Republicans nor the press have found Hillary’s secret email account yet, so let us not get ahead of the story (it goes without saying that Bill Clinton’s secret email would be even more interesting).  

At the University of Oklahoma, the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity self-destructed courtesy of a nine-second video of them singing a racist chant.

University President David Boren moved quickly to banish the fraternity, expel the leaders, brand their faces with an R, tear down the fraternity house, salt the earth, and erase their names from the university’s data system.

Boren was applauded for his decisive action and harsh words for racist students. His actions might not have been legal, but, hey, this is America. Doing the right thing has very little to do with what is legal.

Meanwhile, the fraternity’s house mother, Beauton Gilbow, was shown in another video singing Trinidad James’ “All Gold Everything,” and discovering that America’s affection for rapping granny is so last century.

The press, of course, is trying to uncover what else those wacky SAE kids have been up to at other campuses, but they miss the obvious question: What other songs are in the SAE songbook? There is no way these guys are one-hit wonders in the offensive song category.

The irony is that SAE has absolutely guaranteed there will never be a black member of their fraternity.  

Speaking of Oklahoma, former Sooner Adrian Peterson is apparently unhappy that the Minnesota Vikings and its fans were not more supportive of him when he was indicted for whipping his four-year-old son until he inflicted slash-like wounds.

Peterson supposedly wanted to be traded to the Dallas Cowboys, since in Texas, people are way more supportive of punishing a child that way. The Cowboys singing Greg Hardy pretty much proves that, right?

Focusing on March does not mean we should ignore those who were foolish before then or after. Brian Williams was suspended by NBC News in February for exaggerating what he did while covering the war in Iraq.

He was actually there, but “misrepresented” what he did. Clearly, if you are a public figure and you make any kind of mistake, the press/public get to destroy you. But all these jokes about Brian Williams being on the Moon or at the Alamo totally miss the point.

Saying Brian Williams stormed the beaches of Normandy on D-Day is not an example of exaggeration. Brian Williams saying his daughter was absolutely wonderful as Peter Pan would totally be an exaggeration.

However, congratulations should go out to freshman U.S. Senator Tom Cotton (R-Arkansas) who last week topped authoring that Iran letter by telling those who opposed Indiana’s “Religious Freedom” law to “have a sense of perspective” because “In Iran they hang you for the crime of being gay.”

If that does not make the LGBT community in America feel better, nothing will.

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