Trump hacked the DNC!

February 26, 2017



Lawrance Bernabo

Zenith News

Remember when the Democratic National Committee was hacked by the Russians and Donald Trump told the press, “It could be someone else. And I also know things that other people don't know, so they cannot be sure of the situation”?
Trump also declared, “I know a lot about hacking, and hacking is a very hard thing to prove, so it could be somebody else.”
I read between the lines of what Trump told the press, and there are only two logical possibilities.

First, Trump knows it was a 400-pound guy sitting on his couch because Trump hired him to hack the DNC. Trump does not make up random facts. If he talks about some 400-pound guy on a couch, then he has seen a 400-pound guy on a couch, and the only reason Trump would have to see a 400-pound guy on a couch is if Trump hired him to do a job.

The second and more plausible case is that Trump himself is the hacker. By his own admission he knows a lot about hacking. He has “inside” information. Who else could have “inside” information but the person who hired the hacker or did the hacking himself?

Remember when Trump threatened to reveal the truth about Ted Cruz’s wife? Trump must have hacked the Cruz family’s computers too. Cruz blustered about defending his wife against Trump, but ended up endorsing Trump. Coincidence? I think not. We can all sleep better knowing we have a President who in his spare time can hack the DNC or anybody else he wants to in order to make America great again.

When Trump asked Russia to find all those emails Hillary Clinton had deleted from her personal server, it was just a smokescreen. He wanted everybody to think it was Russia when it was really him.

With all his expertise, I wondered why Trump could not recover evidence that the Clintons were taking millions illegally from the Clinton Foundation. At first I thought some weekend when Melania is in New York with the kid and Trump has nothing to do, he can go online and spend a hour to track those down as well.

Then it dawned on me: He has the evidence and is saving it on the off-chance Hillary won the election, at which point he could release it and the electoral college would revolt and vote for him.

People need to stop doubting Trump. He said he would make America great again. Look at what he has already done with the election results. He lost the popular vote by more than any other previous winner and turned that into an “electoral college landslide,” despite the fact that his electoral college margin of victory was 12th. From the bottom.

If he can turn those sorts of numbers around (and remember, he carried more counties than Ronald Reagan!), imagine what he can do with illegal immigration, the deficit, or unemployment.

Trump dismisses the unemployment numbers that administrations have been using from Day One and points out there are 96 million people without jobs in this country. It does not matter that those 96 million include newborns, schoolchildren, retirees, prisoners, and people in comas. You can count on Donald Trump to get that 96 million to zero.

I bet he can turn it into a negative number. After all, the minimum wage is not enough to keep families above the poverty level, which means more and more Americans need two or more jobs to stay alive. People with more than one job should be counted more than once when we look at employment numbers.

Even if for some reason Trump cannot find jobs for every premature baby or senior citizen paralyzed by a stroke, there will be other Americans working weekend shifts at McDonalds or selling their kids’ toys on eBay to take their place in the workforce.

Trump is also going to create a hell of a lot of jobs by deporting undocumented workers. I know, you are thinking that undocumented workers are doing jobs that real Americans would never do, but when Trump cuts the minimum wage to c̶r̶e̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶g̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶f̶i̶t̶s̶—I mean, to create more jobs—that crappy job is going to be the difference between food on the table and letting the kids starve. At least until the kids get their own jobs.  

There will be a boom in law enforcement jobs, not just to secure the borders, but also to arrest the protesters who will be violating new laws designed to convict them of felonies and take away their right to vote. That’ll teach ’em, which is more than all those new charter schools are doing.

P.S. Trump got his “Make America Great” slogan from Tony the Tiger. Because of Tony’s orange fur, Trump saw a kindred spirit, right? Of course right.

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